Are you expecting your second child? Have been wondering how to prepare your firstborn for this exciting and sometimes scary change? Well you are in luck because there are several ways to prepare your child for the new baby. If you implement all or even just some of the following suggestions your firstborn will naturally transition from an only child to a big brother or big sister. One very important thing is to be open and communicate with your child. Make sure they understand what is in store and what is to be expected so that they are not surprised by anything. There are several ways to do this before and after your new baby arrives.
Before

• Take your child to a few doctors’ appointments and let them see the sonogram or hear the baby’s heartbeat. Let them feel the baby kick and explain how the baby is growing inside you.
• Use picture books and stories about becoming a big brother or a big sister. You can also use books to explain what babies are like: what they can and cannot do, why they need so much attention, etc.
• If you need to make new bedroom arrangements make sure to do this before the baby comes. This way your child will have time to adjust and will not feel as if he or she is being replaced.
• Show he/she pictures or video of their babyhood, tell them how much you had to feed them and hold them when they were newborn. Keep a few baby pictures out where the child can see them.
• Involve your child in as many preparations as possible to make he/she feel like he is helping and get him/her excited about the new arrival. Let your child help pick a name, baby clothes, and toys.
• Have daddy help your older child pick out a gift for the newborn.
• Let your child attend the baby shower.
• Prepare your child for the delivery. Let your child know what will happen and make arrangements for them in advance. Is your child going to stay with grandma during the delivery or will they accompany you to the hospital? Whatever you decide make sure your child knows what is going to happen so that when you need to go to the hospital your child will not be afraid.

After

• Make sure that the baby’s homecoming is a celebration for the entire family.
• When you get home have someone other than yourself carry the baby in and make sure to devote a short time to your older child first.
• Ask your family to do the same before asking to see the new baby.
• Involve your child in baby chores. Let your child help you by carrying the diaper bag and even helping to change a diaper by handing you the supplies or help pick out the baby’s outfit.
• Help your child find ways to express anger with the new baby, like drawing how they feel.
• Tell your child what a great older sibling he/she is, making them feel like an important part of the growing family is important.
• Set aside special time, ten or fifteen minutes, for the older child that is uninterrupted by the new baby.

Communication with your older child is the most important thing. Preparing them every step of the way will help them get ready for their new baby brother or sister.

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Happy Valentine's Day 2009

A word of warning to all baby-gift buyers: don’t buy just one blankie. Play it safe and buy at least three. If you have never had a baby, you may not understand how critical this advice is…but experienced parents everywhere are nodding their heads in agreement.

You will never be able to predict which of your young child’s possessions will become their most beloved. But often, it’s one of the receiving blankets that you were given when they were born. During the first few months of their lives, babies are wrapped in these blankets for warmth and security. But somewhere along the line, they become something more than just practical pieces of cloth.

The attachment will probably not become evident until your child is old enough to talk…one day they will start demanding that the blankie accompany them on every outing, and balk when you try to sneak it into the wash. Naps and bedtime will become impossible if the blanket is not available.

By the time we discovered that my daughter’s soft and worn pale pink blanket had become her most precious possession, it was no longer possible to find an exact duplicate. We had to settle first for an almost-identical blanket, and then later for a blanket that was much less than identical. In her eyes, the two replacements never quite measured up to the original, but they served as stand-ins for laundry time or when the original was temporarily lost.

Don’t think that you will be able to reason with your child if his coveted blanket is permanently damaged or lost. There is no reasoning with a toddler. And don’t expect your child to be responsible for the care and keeping of their blanket, because babies don’t understand cause and effect. If they teeth on the blanket until it is threadbare, or toss it under a restaurant high chair to be left behind, they will not appreciate that you cannot make it reappear.

One night, our toddler daughter threw her precious pink blanket into the fountain at a restaurant. Though not lost, the blanket was soggy, cold and dirty – not the kind of thing you want your child to snuggle with – but we didn’t have an extra blanket with us, and exposing her to a wet cloth that had been rinsed out under a bathroom faucet seemed better than listening to a toddler sob through dinner. After several close calls, our family mantra became “Do we have the blankie?” We learned to carry a spare when we traveled, just in case some tragic accident befell the original.

Take it from someone who learned the hard way - buy blankets in multiples and explain to new parents that they need to rotate the blankets frequently, so that they are never too dissimilar. It could save them a lot of grief in the long run.

Contributed by Laura Weaver

This will be my first Mother’s Day in 21 years without any children at home. When my youngest left for college in August, my friends and family predicted that I would suffer from what is commonly known as the “Empty Nest Syndrome” – the sadness and loss of purpose that sometimes hits parents when their children leave home. They suggested books that might help me cope; they offered their shoulders to cry on.
But rather than feeling depressed or lost, I found a new sense of freedom when my chicks left the coop. Does it make me sound like a bad mother when I admit that I am reveling in my new-found independence? I like not having to share my car. It is satisfying to cook something for dinner and not hear any complaints. Suddenly, my husband and I can go out whenever we like. We can go to sleep without listening to a movie blaring from the family room upstairs or without wondering if everyone will make it home before their curfews.
Despite all of that, I do miss the kids sometimes. I miss the crazy pace and the constant activity that comes with teenagers. I miss hearing the details of their days, their friendships, their challenges.
With the kids gone, I worry less. Not because there is less to worry about, but because I am less involved. Now, when worry comes, it comes like a missile – out of the blue – and hits without giving me time to brace myself. I can be running errands or on the tennis court. It may be a beautiful sunny day, or a peaceful evening. It is during these placid moments, when everything seems to be going right, that I will get a phone call.
“Mom,” a frail voice says, “I am really sick.” These phone calls generally come from my oldest child, who, at 21, still needs mothering sometimes. He will go on to explain that he has been violently ill and feverish for many hours and, in fact, has been so sick that he was unable to call sooner, unable crawl to a neighbor’s apartment for help. For me, this is the worst part of being any empty-nester. It is excruciating to know that your child needs you and that you are too far away to help.
One morning, I turned on my cell phone and saw that I had a new voicemail message from my son. He had left the message in the middle of the night, not wanting to wake us up by calling on the house phone. “Um,” his message begins in a very shaky way, “I just swerved to miss hitting a deer in the road and my car is in the ditch and I think I’m okay, and the deer is okay, but I am not sure about my car.” He sounds anything but okay. He goes on to explain that he is going to try to get his car out of the ditch and may call again.
That was the first of three messages. In the second call, his voice sounds a little stronger and he tells me that his car is out of the ditch and appears to be undamaged and that he is going to try to drive the rest of the way home. In his third message, he sounds relieved and exhausted as he tells me that he has finally, safely, arrived at his apartment. I can hardly dial the phone fast enough. Even after hearing that last message, I must speak to him immediately. I must know that he is really safe. More than anything, I want to hug him…but I can’t.
Now I understand why my father, at 78, still worries. He gives advice about which cars I should buy; expresses concern if I am in the house alone at night. You never grow out of being a parent. There are no children living in my house right now – but that doesn’t mean that I have stopped being a mother.

Contributed By Laura Weaver

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Quote:

"What's the proper etiquette for office donations such as chipping in on a baby gift or wedding gift for a co-worker? Should a dollar amount be set for contributions, or should it be left to each individual to decide how much to give? We just took up a collection for a co-worker whose house was lost in a fire. The office manager refused to accept checks, insisting on cash so the gifts would remain anonymous. Some people gave hundreds of dollars, others tens of dollars. Can you help with some guidelines here?"

E.S., Churchville, Pa.

Office giving is one of the most vexing problems we hear about. People want the opportunity to give, but they don't want to feel they have to give. While small offices might have just a few donation requests a year, people working in a large office may get hit up multiple times in a single week. In this case, saying ''no" is difficult, but shelling out for every request could break your bank.

People should never "make the rounds" of all the desks, asking each co-worker for a donation. Besides being a time waster, this creates stress for people who don't want to give, a consequence managers should want to avoid. The better solution is to have a bulletin board where employees can post information about solicitations.

People interested in contributing can then visit the solicitor to make a donation. Since this is a donation, givers should offer whatever they feel they can afford, and the solicitor should be appreciative of all gifts, regardless of amount.

It was a kind gesture to take up a collection for your co-worker whose home was lost. However, your office manager should not have refused to accept checks. Instead, he or she should have welcomed all donations, then taken the funds to a bank and had the bank issue a single check to your colleague.

Quote:
"My boss is the senior vice president of public affairs for our company. Because of his position, he and his wife are asked to host numerous evening functions. His wife is heading out of town for a time and will miss some of these functions. Is it appropriate for him to go to them alone? Also, does it matter whether the situation is business attire or a black tie event?"

K.L., Shawnee Mission, Kan.

It is acceptable and appropriate for your boss to attend business functions without his wife. The formality of the event doesn't matter. In fact, in many corporate settings, spouses and dates are not invited to evening functions simply to allow more business associates to be included on the guest list.

E-mail your questions about business etiquette to bizmanners@globe.com; fax to 617-929-3183; or mail to Etiquette at Work, The Boston Globe, P.O. Box 55819, Boston, MA 02205-5819. Each month one reader whose question is published will be chosen at random to receive a copy of Peggy and Peter Post's book, "The Etiquette Advantage in Business." Peter Post is a director at the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt.